Things I Have Learned - See me

By Bill D. Ward

Today’s Wisdom: “I’m not a crabby old woman. Look closer. See me.” 

~ Phyllis McCormack

Most of our readers know that I was in the field of long-term care for many years. One of the observations I had of those years was how people who were our customers changed. When we first met them on the day of admission, they were strangers in broken bodies that needed care. We were pretty good at doing care so we saw them first as professional challenges.

Then after a few weeks, sometimes after just a few days, they changed. They magically turned into real people, people with feelings, dreams, laughter, emotions, opinions and stories. Some even became friends. 

I suppose it is not accurate to say that they changed. It was actually us who changed, as we accumulated experience that allowed us to switch from seeing what they looked like, to seeing who they were. They had never not been real people; we just had no exposure in the early hours to their full depth and breadth. 

It is fun to meet new folks and discover the full essence of their person. But, I wonder how many times over a lifetime we miss the opportunity to do that. Do we tend to stop at the first impression? Do we assume that what they look like equals who they are?

Back in my professional years I used a poem in a number of speaking engagements. It is called “The Crabbit Old Woman” by Phyllis McCormack. The last lines are:

I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel

Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool. 

The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart, 

There is now a stone where I once had a heart, 

But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells, 

And now and again my battered heart swells,

I remember the joy, I remember the pain, 

And I’m loving and living life over again. 

I think of the years all too few - gone too fast. 

And accept the stark fact that nothing can last

So open your eyes, open and see, 

Not a crabbit old woman, look closer. See me. 

I think we ourselves become more real to others when we are able to move from seeing what, to seeing who. I’m just sayin’.