Long-time educator/administrator highlights changes, challenges, and where we go from here
By Bill Vossler
During his 37 years as an elementary teacher and principal at Cold Spring, Jerry Sparby of Cold Spring was asked repeatedly whether kids are different today than 20 or 30 years ago. He said, “Kids at their core haven’t changed much. What has is technology, especially the smartphone, which has drastically shifted the landscape creating an alarming trend: the captivating nature of screens immerse children in intense emotional experiences through gaming and other activities, but in real life they appear numb and unresponsive. The screens seem to be rewiring their brains and sensory systems, providing distractions and a way to avoid real-life issues. Deep, lasting friendships have been replaced with superficial online relationships, lacking the depth and commitment of human presence and voices, which convey nuances and emotions that text cannot capture.”
“Screens prevent using our full range of senses. Thus the skin, our largest sensory organ is little-used, creating inert and stationary bodies with shallow breathing. This numbness isolates youngsters, and can lead to depression, high anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Due to technology, children rarely memorize, inhibiting critical thinking and problem-solving abilities, overwhelming and disorganizing young minds.”
In addition to technology, shifts in parenting, and changes in educational systems have created a new landscape for youngsters, he said.
So What Can Be Done?
Look at what worked in the past, Jerry said. “Most people in their 60s and 70s grew up differently. Outside of simple chores like trash and dishes, they planted potatoes, picked chokecherries, and worked with parents on projects.”
“Our children did chores, but none crucial. We spared them from working hard or putting in long hours. Today’s younger generation has even fewer responsibilities. With parents super busy, this generation is focused on individual survival and personal interests, and a constant sense of busyness.”
Yet they are more sensitive and able to feel deeply compared to earlier generations. “But they don’t know how to handle these emotions, which are often not well-received by others, so they shut them off.”
“To meet the needs of today’s children, parenting, education, and community support must be changed to nurture their intellectual growth, and aid their emotional and social well-being.”
How Can That Be Done?
1. By changing parenting styles. Modern parenting often involves overprotecting children, Jerry said. “Parents keep them indoors under constant supervision, hesitant to let them play outside unsupervised, fearing for their safety, making them more dependent on adults, and more sedentary and numb. Children need to learn how to interact with peers and be responsible for themselves, without constant adult supervision. Allowing them to navigate social situations on their own fosters independence and resilience. We should allow children to resolve conflicts, make mistakes, learn from them, and develop empathy on their own, which also develops essential life skills.”
Parents must set boundaries on cell phone use, because this technology can be dangerous. “Research proves that cell phone addiction might pave the way to other addictions with greater dopamine rushes, like drugs, gambling, or alcohol, creating severe consequences.”
Parents must create a balanced environment, encouraging activities that don’t involve screens. “Like play-dates, family game nights, or outdoor adventures. Also arts and crafts, physical movement, like sports, or exploring nature. When kids have someone their age to laugh, play, and make mistakes with, they are more likely to choose these enriching activities over screen time. Kids are naturally drawn to meaningful interactions and shared experiences. These allow them to experience joy, feel others’ pain, and develop empathy. Through touch, holding, and being present without an agenda, I help them reconnect with their bodies, enabling them to empathize and engage with others.”
If too-busy parents cannot provide these activities, “We need to tap into one of America’s greatest resources: retirees. They have a wealth of experience and wisdom that is invaluable, so if we can get them to work with kids, we add much-needed support and guidance to the younger generations, and also enrich the lives of the retirees.”
2. By Encouraging community support. “This is another way to help young people. Parenting has always been challenging, but the support system has changed, making it tougher. In past generations, extended families often played a significant role in child-rearing. Nowadays, fewer parents depend on others for support, for several reasons. So children miss out on diverse interactions and guidance that an extended family network or others provides. Retirees can play a crucial role in shaping a brighter future for today’s kids through mentorship, volunteering, and community involvement.”
“Reducing fear and stress in our lives involves building stronger, more connected communities. This can happen in neighborhoods, churches, and schools. By reaching out and fostering relationships, people can become more than just strangers living nearby—they can become a support network. When children witness these connections, they learn the importance of empathy, support, and understanding. They see firsthand how reaching out and building relationships can alleviate fear and foster a sense of belonging. This, in turn, helps adults manage their fears, hurt, and anger by providing a supportive and understanding community.”
3. By Training Teachers. “Many of today’s teachers grew up without forming deep friendships on playgrounds or playing in their neighborhoods. Thus we are asking them to use methods and ideas to help students that the teachers never experienced. A unique challenge.”
Yet it can be done, as Jerry has found through his nonprofit, HuddlUp.org. “One of the problems in schools is how many youngsters feel invisible, and hide during recess so they don’t get picked on. Schools play a pivotal role in helping children develop the ability to form friendships, regulate their emotions, and handle conflicts. By prioritizing these skills in the curriculum, we can equip children with the tools they need to build meaningful relationships. This, in turn, can be transferred to their interactions at home and within their communities.”
“Our mentoring program and teacher modeling initiatives make every child feel visible and valued. Instead of students merely occupying desks, we cultivate a classroom culture where kids interact, laugh, smile, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
Jerry said he has discovered that this is best done through physical touch. “Massaging hands and feet, pushing and pulling—to reconnect their brains with their bodies, which happens within minutes. Once they sense and feel, we address their emotional well being. Feeling the presence of another person helps them escape the mental rabbit hole from technology that often leads to anxiety, depression, and other health issues. Feeling is essential for healing. Without it, we retreat into our minds, and lose touch with ourselves and others.”
This doesn’t mean that it is easy. Jerry said he was in a Minnesota elementary classroom recently where the teacher warned him about the class. “I asked the kids to stand back to back, then turn around an touch each other’s fingertips. They would not do it. “Just try it,” I said. No. But the third time, three tried it. Then others, and others, until they all were doing it. By the end of the class they had their arms around each other’s shoulders. Kids are dying to be touched. It was wonderful. By alleviating social awkwardness and stress, we create a more supportive and relaxed learning environment.”
“By focusing on these areas, we can help children grow into empathetic and socially competent individuals. They will learn to share, give of themselves, and form friendships based on mutual understanding and concern for others. In turn, this can create a ripple effect, fostering a more compassionate and connected community for all.”
“In classrooms where teachers have adopted our methods, we have seen significant positive changes as children develop social skills, embrace their differences, have playground friends, feel more comfortable expressing themselves, no longer feel isolated, and feel valued so they grow into empathetic and engaged citizens. I‘ve seen these methods work, not only in classrooms in Central Minnesota, but all over the United States. “I find that children everywhere are eager to develop their skills and connect with their peers. They genuinely seek relationships, particularly with their peers, and also with their teachers.”
Start with small steps, Jerry said. “Encourage face-to-face activities, and create environments where people feel safe to take simple social risks, like introducing yourself to someone you don‘t know, or saying ‘hi‘ to a group and joining. Families, schools, and communities can play a pivotal role by prioritizing interpersonal relationships over screen time, which can rebuild the strong social fabric that technology has somewhat unraveled, and ensuring that future generations value and maintain these essential human connections.”
What is most important?
The most important thing right now in our communities and country is building healthy relationships. “It begins with our families, extends to our neighborhoods and communities, then to our schools, and finally reaches the state and national levels. The goal is to put our country back together with a determined effort to ensure that everyone is cared for. This means fostering a sense of responsibility not only for ourselves and our families but also for each other. Through sharing, empathy, concern, and building relationships, we can create a transformative magic. It is within this magic that we can truly turn around the challenging situation we are currently facing.”
How would people start? “To begin, people need to understand how we arrived at our current state. How did we get here, and what has changed in our lives? The environment and culture created by excessive screen time, the isolation brought on by the pandemic, and the disconnection from one another are critical to comprehend. Once we grasp this context, we can better understand how to help our children. It is essential to focus on helping not only our own kids and grandkids but also the neighbor’s children to reach their full potential. In this act of giving, we find that we receive as well. Kids can be the catalyst for change, and by investing in their well-being and development, we can start to heal and strengthen our communities.”
More Than One Thing
No single solution works, Jerry said. “This issue is multifaceted and affects everyone—children, parents, grandparents, and the broader community, and requires a comprehensive approach because the desire for connection, and a sense of belonging persists across all age groups. Though people may seem content with digital interactions, I think this is often due to lacking social skills or the courage to engage in real-world interactions. The intrinsic human need for connection hasn’t disappeared; it merely needs to be rekindled and integrated back into our lives.”
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